The Life of a PK by Mariah Bryant

It's not easy being a PK (Pastor's kid). It's like my parents set this high bar of expectation that I will never be able to reach. They want me to grow up and become just like my father. They can't force this life on me. I want to live dangerously be able to do whatever I want. Have sex, smoke weed; get drunk for God’s sake even Jesus turned water into wine back in his day.  I’m 18 going on 19; these are the things I should be doing. No one can change me. I will be me until the day I die. Is what I thought before my life took a turn for the worst? I find it amazing how it takes something so tragic to happen to a person for their eyes to be opened. Well let’s start from the beginning.

It was a normal boring Sunday Morning I took my seat in the back of the church like always. The back of the church is always the hang out spot. It was the perfect place for people who wanted to text, talk, or go on facebook. I was talking to this chick I've been trying to get in bed with.

"So wassup? Whn you goin let me smash"

"I aint a hoe so you not hitting this"

"Come on bby girl stop plying games like u not goin let a brother show you a good time".

I looked up from my phone and noticed Jane. My heart skipped a beat over how different and mature she looked. I met Jane about 4 years ago when she was 13, but she was an off and on attender to the church. She hasn't been here in about a year. Her little brother sat in front of me, but she sat right next to me.

"THANK GOD! For Anderson kids being back in the house of lord,” My father shouted out drawing more attention to them”.

“AMEN!” The congregation all said at one time making an echo wave of annoyance ring in my ear.

“So Matthew, you don’t know how to say hi to anybody anymore?” Jane whispered nudging me playfully

“Hey Jane, How have you been” I laughed in a whisper tone trying not to draw my fathers attention

“Good, thanks for asking” She flashes her beautiful white smile and turns her attention to the front where my father is starting service, and my eyes go back to my phone

“Lml if u wnt it so bad whn u goin come thru and get it.”

“Imma be dere  2 night so get some sleep now cuz u not goin get none later”

“Lol is that a promise”

“MATTHEW COLE RICHARDSON!! Don’t make me come down from this pulpit, put your PHONE AWAY NOW.” My father stops the entire service

I hated when my father did this. Called me out when I wasn’t the only person in the congregation on their phone. I just nodded my head and put my phone under my lap, but when he looked away I was back on it.

An hour and a half passes and service is finally over. I push past all the smiles and hugs to get out of the church door. I felt like church was my prison and my parents were my conviction officers. I needed to get out from under them. My head would explode if I didn't leave Asap.

It was in that moment I decided to pack up my things and never look back. I had a decent amount of money saved up in my bank account for my tuition to go back to school, but leaving my parents house and getting out of Brooklyn was far more important to me. I was having a small asthma episode and I just couldn’t calm myself down. Jane noticed that I was having an episode and she came over to me.

“Relax, Breath everything will be fine” She said placing her right hand on my face softly and her left on my chest and she stared into my eyes.

In that moment everything stopped moving and my breathing slowed down. I was lost in her brown eyes. I quickly pulled away because things got awkward

“Thanks” I gave her a confused look

“No problem, Um here's my number in case you need to talk about anything, just remember I’m here for you. Jane handed me a piece of paper and gave me a slight unsure smile.  

I didn't even acknowledge the note I just took it and left.

That night while my parents was asleep I packed all of my clothes and set on the edge of my bed replaying the image of Jane in my mind. I couldn’t let that stop me from leaving. I went into my little sisters’ room and kissed her on the forehead.

“Katie I want you to be good for me, Ok princess.”  

“Okay I will I promise” she whispered still half asleep

Then I kept quiet leaving the house since it was 1:00 am and I didn’t want my parents to wake up. Once I got on the greyhound bus I felt like I was on top of the world. I was my own man. I was headed to Vermont. I knew some friends out there who would look out for me when I got there.

I live happily ever after in Vermont and The end. Yeah right I can't even believe that.

The first couple of weeks were Dope. My buddies Jay and Jerome that I was staying with had parties every weekend, drinks, smokes hanging with the guys. I felt Empowered. No one could tell me what I could and couldn’t do. I was on my grind

One night Jerome invited girls over and things went further than expected.

“Yo Matt I want you to meet Lisa” Jerome always knew how to amp up a moment.

“Hey handsome you ready to have fun” She came on to me pretty strong

Her hands caressed mine and her grip became tighter yanking my arm vigorously as she led me toward my room. Her hands gripped tightly to my shoulders pushing me hard on the bed….

Let’s just say one thing lead to another. This “Thing” we had wasn’t real to me. It was strictly sex. I went from one girl to another looking for something different. First it was Lisa, then it was Alex, Jessie, Claire, Angel. It got to the point where I didn't even take the time to learn names any more. I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted, but I knew none of these girls were giving it to me. Did I need more rough, more aggressive I didn’t know, I did know that I was going to continue on until I felt like I was getting what I wanted.

Another night, another girl. This one night was weird because I felt I stinging pain in that area and when I went to the bathroom things did not look good. The pain was so bad that I was rushed to They examined me and  I waited in the room they gave me. The doorknob turned and an old guy with a long white coat came and that’s when I knew things had gotten out of hand.

As he comes in with this stern worried look “Matt I’m afraid I have some bad News”

"GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT!" I blurted out

"I’m sorry to say, but you have HIV. ” He said it so calm as if this wasn’t a big deal

“HIV! Oh my sweet baby Jesus what have I done" I screamed

“Matthew just look at me” He tried getting speaking in a calm tone trying to get me to relax and calm down.

I was hurt to be honest. This was the type of things that my parents were trying to keep me from and now I was in this situation. Walking out of the doctor’s office it was like my life was a complete failure. I was lost and I didn’t know who I was. I came to Vermont thinking I would find myself and that this is what I wanted but I didn’t. That night when I got home I skipped out on the drinking and just went straight to my room. My room was dark with four walls staring at me with disappointment. I felt convicted like I didn’t know what I had back in Brooklyn. I needed someone to talk too. I felt alone a house full of “Friends” and yet I never felt more alone. I remembered Jane, her sweet smell and beautiful brown eyes, “THE PAPER!” I rummaged through all my stuff, flipping my mattress, rearranging furniture. I pulled out my draw and empty everything out, there it was fluttering through the air, I caught it. I stared at the paper wondering what I would say, if she would be mad that I left, what would she think of me. All of these questions running through my head, but my fingers had already gone ahead of me and dialed the number.

“Hello May I ask who’s speaking” Her sweet voice echoed through my head but I didn’t say anything

“Hello is anyone there” She wondered who was there but still I didn’t reply

“I guess Not” I stopped her before she hung up

“Wait Jane”

“Matthew, is that you”

“Hi”

“Where you I’ve been worried Sick about you”

“You have?”

“Well you know everyone at the church had been praying for you.”

“Jane can you come to get me I need really need you”

“GIVE ME AND ADDRESS AND I’LL BE THERE!”

“I’m in Vermont”

“What the Sam Heck are you doing there?”

“Long Story, I’ll tell you when you get here, the address is 415 Drive and Clemens Street.”

“Okay, I’ll see you there.”

I begin packing all of my stuff because I was honestly tired of living this lifestyle. I didn’t bother packing everything because I did not want an overload of memories.   After I finished I tried staying up to wait for her but I fell asleep. I woke up to a phone call at 4:00 am.

“Hey I’m outside” She said softly

“Okay, I coming” I replied with a raspy voice

I picked up my two bags with everything I needed. I opened my room door to find girls lying all over the floor and Jay and Jerome knocked out on the couch. Jay woke up while I was headed past the living room.

“Where you going man, THE PARTY IS JUST GETTING STARTED WOOAH!”  He blurted out while trying to catch his balance.

“I’m out I can’t live like this anymore” I rushed out the house, I was afraid he would try to convince me to stay.

I got to the porch Jane was pulled into the driveway behind Jerome’s car. I walked over and she popped the trunk letting me pack my stuff in the back. I opened the door to the passenger seat of the silver Toyota and as I got in and closed the door Jane embraced me. I couldn’t do anything but cry. I never cried that hard in my life. I dug my face down into her shoulder and we sat there for at least 10 minutes just hugging and me crying. She pulled back from me and held my face in her small hands and wiped the tears from my eyes.

“Let’s get you out of here” She said while putting her car into gear and pulling out the driveway.

The drive was quiet but I didn’t feel alone. I stared out the window wondering what I would do when I got home. Let’s just say that my story is still being written