It was just a normal day living in the hot Caribbean island of
Kingston, Jamaica. David wasn't the happiest camper in the world at time when
his family came around in December for vacation. It would be fun but stressful
at the same time to wake up early just to go out or just being the only one to
do a bag of work when others are there as well that can help. The days would be
around friends, brothers and family playing soccer and cricket all day long at
times having fun. The morning the family went to the beach was January first
2008 new year's day about 6:30 a.m. everyone was up and ready to spend the day
at the beach as a family. The whole family was there with some friends just enjoying
themselves. The day David's grandfather brought him to the beach everyone was
expecting to have a great time but not David that day. It's early so David
knows that the water is going to cold to the touch as both him and his brother
Junior ran to the wide-open beach of cold water. As both brothers ran with a
few cousins behind there were all smiles and enjoyment upon the beach while
everyone ran to the water with some family members still on the sand waiting on
the bright sunshine to come out at them with a bright smile of light.
David couldn't swim ever since he was small but he just lay down
on a floater in the beach little he knew there was something coming for him.
The wave hit him with no warning which scared the life on of him, while he went
down to the bottom and rise to the top of the beach about three times having
swallowed a lot of salt water. He would take in more salt water as he went up
and down to a near death. Little he knew his brother Junior came to save him
without anyone in the family knowing what happened until the next day. The
following night when he went home his mom knew that something was wrong because
he wasn't able to finish his stew chicken and rice cause of all the salt water
he had swallowed early that day. As David slept off the near death experience
Junior was spreading the news like wild fire to everyone about what
happened " David swallowed up half of the beach when he went down and came
back up." Junior violated the bro code so when David went to see the
family the next day everyone was laughing at what junior said and shouting at
David but it was just for a while as always.
Although Junior spread the news to everyone, they were now all
worried about the health of David even after yelling and shouting at him but he
was only ten going on eleven that year. Everyone came to enjoying themselves,
but still made everyone go on the edge about the well being of David. After
that horrible experience for the family it took a good while for them to
recover knowing that they almost lost a son, brother, cousin, nephew or
grandson. While under recover everyone decided to go out to the country side of
Jamaica just to relieve the stress and get some fresh fruits of the trees such
as mangos, apples, star apples, pineapples and most of all coconuts. As
everyone dived into the beautiful fresh fruits it was like no one remembered
what happen to David but it's not like anyone wanted to anyways. As the day
went on from everyone forgetting about yesterday they were all happy as a
family once more and began to enjoy the vacation again.
It's crazy that David almost drown on year's day but he thought it
was suppose to be a new beginning to things into a new year, not for him though
it started out with a near death experience. Ever since then David never went
to a part of the beach where he couldn't move or help himself. That day
Junior saved him they were at war a few days before but when he pulled David
closer to shore everything changed knowing that he could have lose his little
brother on new year's to a unexpected wave. After that day both David and
Junior had a better bond from before but still have their ups and downs because
they're brothers y'all always fight and protect each other in troubling times.
If you haven't realize by now I'm David that's the name by family calls me and
after that moment of almost drowning I had about four more near death of
drowning with no Junior to save his little brother from death and I still can't
swim to this day...
2 comments:
It was a touching story about to brothers. I like how the same thing that almost killed your protagonist, David, brought him closer to his brother. It was almost like a near death experience saved a relationship. I also love your lost line, "and I still can't swim." was a good ending to your short story.
You've got a strong message, and it's revealed fairly well. I think you could pace it out a bit more, and there are a few mechanical errors. But it's pretty clear.
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